Abyss
by alex-halcyon
Summary: She shattered her soul. It took time to mend. - one-shot [Ino-centric. Doesn't follow canon. Implied Ino x Sai. M: for allusions to depression, self-destructive behaviour, death, sex]


**a/n.** disclaimer notice. not the owner of Naruto.

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Ino was fifteen when she first received a red scroll. The ANBU had delivered it to her, telling her the mission was urgent, they needed a response right away. Automatically, Ino accepted and the ANBU disappeared to report to Lady Tsunade that Ino would be there soon.

She weighed the scroll in her hands for a moment, before hiding it in her bag. She looked up to see her father standing in the doorway. There were few secrets in the Yamanaka household, considering their clan jutsu and position in the village. Inoichi was privy to the highest level of security clearance, and Ino was sure he kept tabs on her career. It was the first time that Ino had seen anguish on his face at the prospect of her going on a mission.

They didn't speak, and Ino calmly walked by him, stopping as she reached his side and put a hand on his arm. "I'm a kounoichi. I'll be home soon," she told him, not sure if she was reassuring herself or him.

She returned from the mission feeling conflicted. It wasn't a difficult mission on the surface. She was accompanied by a silent ANBU, who was only there to complete the mission if Ino failed. Meaning that the ANBU wasn't there to save her. Essentially, Ino's mission was solo. She seduced the young lord easily, and once he was asleep, entered his mind to find the necessary information. Her medical ninjutsu lessons came in handy when she used it to put him into a deeper sleep, and then left the compound with the scroll she was sent for, without any issues. On the way home, she felt like something had changed.

Tsunade had been as proud as she had been apologetic. Ino assured her it wasn't a problem. It was simply a part of her life that she'd accepted.

She'd been sent on a few more red scroll missions before the war, each accompanied by the same ANBU. She had a 100% success rate. Whispers of her missions went spread quickly throughout the ranks. She was approached by several male shinobi, and with little hesitation she accepted their solicitations, using them as a means to practice and try to fill the strange void she was feeling inside her.

Shikamaru told her she should be careful and Choji asked her to think about her reputation. Sakura just held her hand. It annoyed her, but she listened to her friends and stopped accepting the advances that came at her.

Until the war. Until her father died. Until the void inside her felt like it might swallow her whole.

She took her place in the Interrogation unit, and informed Sixth Hokage Kakashi Hatake she was willing to take on any red scroll mission. She wanted to spare the younger ones, she told him when he'd inquired why. She was young and beautiful, she had experience, her record was impeccable. She recognised the look in Kakashi's eye; he didn't believe her. He still issued her the missions.

Rather her than Sakura. They both thought it, and they both understood that they did.

When Ino wasn't working with Ibiki, or honing her jutsu, or training, she frequented the bars and graced the bed of whoever asked her. It was training, she told herself, and anyone else that asked. She was older now, her body more womanly than it was at fifteen. Her curves more delectable, her breasts larger, her mouth more practiced, her words more seductive. Ino was as beautiful as she was empty.

Kakashi stopped giving her the red scroll missions when Ibiki informed him he was worried about her. He called her to his office and told her to take time off, and that she needed to have a psych eval. Ino refused. She needed work, she needed sex. She need to feel _something, anything_ to stop the abyss inside her from opening further and further until she disappeared.

Kakashi's request became an order, and she threw a chair at the wall.

Ibiki did the psych evaluation himself. He refused to let anyone touch her, not that she would allow it. Ibiki was the one constant in her life. The one man she knew loved her like she was his own daughter, without judgement and unconditionally.

An ANBU was assigned to Ino. Kakashi ordered her to stay away from the bars and follow the psych reports recommendations. No sex. Therapy twice a week. Dinner with friends once a week. She needed to socialise normally. To find a different way of coping. The ANBU was authorised to restrain her.

Ino hated Kakashi. She slapped Ibiki. She was put on forced leave until Kakashi cleared her.

It took six months for Ino to feel something close to normal again. Before she stopped snapping at her mother and her friends, and acting out against the ANBU who restrained her.

It took six months for her to breakdown and cry, holding onto Ibiki like she was clinging onto life. To apologise to him for what she said and did. He hugged her and held her and reminded her that she was strong and courageous and compassionate, that it was okay to hurt and be afraid and cry. That he would always be there for her, and that her father was, is, and would always be proud of her.

When Ino was called back to the Hokage's office, she saw the appraising look in Kakashi's eye. Not sexual in any way. Just regarding her with care and concern and thought. He allowed her to work again with Interrogation, a probationary period would be applied before mission work was approved, and she would need to undergo physical and mental testing before then. She accepted it with a small smile of understanding and gratitude.

Ino was tired of feeling sorry for herself, she was exhausted with grief.

The abyss was slowly shrinking.

She slowly repaired her relationship with Shikamaru and Choji, who accepted her back with a hug and a smile and a muttering of 'troublesome.' They visited Asuma's grave together, and she tearfully apologised for letting him down, but promised she'd be better in the future. Shikamaru and Choji held her hands all the way home, and she felt her heart flutter and warm for the first time in she didn't know how long.

She turned down the men who came for her now. Lust in their eyes, and saw the way they look at her, like she was an object to use. Disgust churned in her stomach. Disgust at herself. Her ANBU restrained the most persistent of them, and she smiled and thanked him for always being there.

She asked Kakashi to withdraw the services of the ANBU, and to both their surprises, he informed her he had almost a month ago.

The rumours about Ino became more vicious the more she rejected those she used to accept with open arms and legs. She cared little about them, but she was grateful to her friends who she heard had tracked down and punched several of the more lewd spreaders of the rumours. Sakura was a good friend, and she was glad to hear Kakashi had sentenced them to harsh duties for a month.

She was walking through the village beside Ibiki when her she noticed her ANBU in the shadows, watching her. She smiled secretly to herself, warmth spreading to her toes, he was still watching over her, but she wanted to know who it was.

Ino and the ANBU started a game of cat-and-mouse. She started to pretend to slip back into old behaviours, only to have him come out and stop her. She used every chance she got to try and use her jutsu to enter his mind, but he was to quick. She tried to figure out how she could discover his identity when she knew his mask was never going to come off.

Their game became more light-hearted and fun, and Ino decided it was time. She couldn't bare not knowing any longer. When he caught her, she stood still and looked directly at his mask.

"This is the last time we will see each other if you don't have the courage to face me without your mask. I know the Hokage ordered you to stop following me months ago."

He was silent as ever, and disappeared with a pop.

She started dating. Properly. Only with men she hadn't slept with previously. It came as a surprise, a few weeks after her ANBU disappeared for good, and she was wallowing in regret. Kotetsu approached her first. She was cautious to start with, wondering if the date was a guise for getting her in bed. It wasn't. He was sweet. Picking her up at her door exactly when he said he would. Walking close enough that it was clear they were together, but far enough not to touch. He pulled out her chair at the resturant, and a faint pink tinged his cheeks the entire night.

He was sweet, but she didn't feel anything more than friendship for him. Another date and she let him down easy, thanking him for his kindness and apologising for not being able to reciprocate his feelings. Sakura told her a few days later that he'd been talking about Ino, and it was all positive.

She was glad none of her classmates asked her on a date. It was the older Chunin and Jonin who asked. The ones who had lived long enough, through war and hardship, without a special someone they were looking harder for someone to comfort them in the dead of night, to be waiting for them to come home.

Her reputation took an upswing. Kakashi approved her mission-ready. She stopped going to see her therapist.

Her ANBU didn't appear again.

Sai asked her if she wanted to see his new collection of paintings. He seemed nervous. She smiled kindly, thanked him for asking her and accepted his invitation.

She'd never been more shocked in all her life. His artistry was beautiful, she'd always thought that. But what he painted forced tears to her eyes. It was all her. Her face, smiling, laughing, crying, angry, sad, happy, hurt. Paintings of her life, places she went, things she did. There were pictures of her lost in the darkness that made her wonder how he knew exactly what she was feeling and how he could paint it so real.

One painting drew her eye. It was her, holding hands with her ANBU. But his mask was hanging off his belt, and his face was Sai's.

She looked at him. She looked and looked and looked. He'd seen her. All of her. Her worst and most dark places. He'd kept watch. He'd been silent. Now he spoke.

"You're beautiful to me."

Ino felt the abyss close completely.

Her tears were wiped away by his trembling hand.

"Thank you, Sai."

Everything was going to be okay.


End file.
